Transformers: Dark of the Moon

So it is entirely fair to say, that 50% of people reading this have already made up their mind on whether not they want to see another "Transformers" film. This polarising viewpoint stems from how you feel about Michael Bay in general. There seems to be some sort of vendetta against the man; pretty much all of his films have garnered average to bad reviews from most critics and cinema scholars turn bright red at the very mention of his name.  And yet he remains one of the biggest and most successful directors of all time. Like it or not folks, Michael Bay is here to stay. So what is it about the man that provokes such extreme responses? Is it that his name is a byword for dumb, noisy, crass, commercialism crap? Or is it a Bayword for a good ol' fashioned rollicking time at the movies? I happen to believe that while such important things like plot, character and dialogue is the very last thing on his mind, he sure knows how to present a shiny picture on screen. He is also one of the best directors of spectacle working today. What is undeniable, is that he is an auteur. You always know when you're watching a Michael Bay film and this is what I believe, gives him the edge over other similar commercialistic whores such as Stephen Sommers, Brett Ratner, or the dreaded McG. They may peddle the same absurd, mindless junk, but they could be anybody behind the camera. They have no stamp. If you hated the last two "Transformers" films or indeed, Michael Bay, then stay well away; the man has not learned from any of his past mistakes. In fact "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" may be the most 'Bay' film Bay has done. He has outBayed himself. Haters will be Baying for his blood with the amount of Bayhem he unleashes on screen. Baysically, the film is utter tosh - but my oh my, is it entertaining tosh. And there is nothing anybody can do - despite all of the negative press the film has received, it has already made squillions of dollars.

The plot as it stands again follows Sam Witwicky (LeBeouf) finding himself under appreciated just because he can't get a job despite the fact that he has giant alien robots for friends, has a new lifeless, wooden sex doll in the shape of Rosie Huntington-Whiteley (by far the only truly grating thing in the film) and that he, y'know, saved the world twice . His sentient alien robot friends discover there is a thought to be long lost Autobot shuttle that had crash landed on the moon in the 60's holding the key to the salvation of Cybertron along with the remains of one of their old leaders, Sentinal Prime. Then explosions happen, Decepticons show up with a nefarious plan and all story gets thrown out the window in favour of more explosions and huge CG robot scraps. 'Genuine' actors show up along the way such as John Malkovich, Frances McDormand and John Turturro to gurn and make broad jokes and then collect their HUUUGE paycheques after promptly leaving. There are a million plot holes you could drive a big red truck through and everything is needlessly complicated and drawn out. OK, it is beginning to sound like I'm criticising everything, when in fact I actually thoroughly enjoyed this film. It features stunning special effects, and fantastic stunt work. This is a Summer Blockbuster through and through and you'll be hard pressed to find better action all year. This is down to a simple stream lining of plot that brings everything back to a straight forward alien invasion on Chicago. Sure, it takes far too long to get there, but when we do, Bay unleashes an hour of adrenaline pumping, non stop action for it's climax. If you paid to see giant robots fight, then that is what you are going to get here and then some. The 3D is easily the best seen since "Avatar" with a jaw dropping wing suit skydiving scene into an urban war zone being the stand out. This film proves that when 3D is done right (ie, not hastily converted after filming) the results are easily worth it. Again, this all comes down to a simple view point of whether or not you are into this sort of thing. There are plenty of reasons to dislike this film, but why waste your energy when it is easier to just go along with the ride? Whether it be women, shiny cars, CG effects, the military or Shia LeBeouf's over-acting, Michael Bay's camera never fails to exploit everything it see's. It may not be rocket science, but there is a nice warm fuzzy feeling when you knowingly give yourself over to advertising disguised as cinema, especially when it is done as well as this - and besides, where else are you going to see a SWAT Team escape a building as it falls over, whilst still stuck inside? Let's see art house do that.

Verdict: 6/10
Overlong, over dumb and overstuffed with CGI, this is nontheless, an often exhilarating ride of pure and utter destruction for nothing other than shits and giggles. Those who hated Bay before will be pulverised into brain dead submission long before the credits roll, but for everyone else this is fantastic Summer popcorn fare and almost better than the first entry in the series.

"Transformers: Dark of the Moon" Trailer