The Expendables

You have to hand it to Sylvester Stallone. Now in his mid 60's and not content with fading away into 'where are they now action hero limbo' he has over the past few years, been sustaining not only his own career, but audiences interests. After spending the latter half of the 90's and the first part of this decade in flop after flop, he decided to return to his roots with the franchise that made his name in the first place, ''Rocky Balboa''. A surprising critical and commercial hit, he then followed that up with that other franchise that made him, in ''Rambo''. Now, not content with living out his later years with all his hits and characters gone, he now drums out an action heroes Hall Of Fame extravaganza. Stallone will not be leaving his past anytime soon it seems. For it, Stallone assembles his dream time action Wish List. Actors are known only for their action chops; recent puny 'brains over brawn' types such as Jason Bourne or Bruce Wayne have no place here. If veins are not bulging out of every single muscle on your body, then you are not wanted on this cast list. Stallone Writes and Directs as if he has no concept of the word 'cliche'. But for the many reasons this is one of the clunkiest and cheesiest films of the year, it is also at times, quite entertaining in its own lug headed way.

For many males, this is for them, what ''Sex & The City 2'' was to women. An all out male testosterone fest; simple things like plot or characterisation have absolutely no place here. Not that you would be able to hear any of it over the explosions. Stallone and his crack team of mercenaries for hire seek to overthrow a corrupt general and ex-CIA agent in some small country in South America. An alarming amount of the cast have been languishing in straight to DVD hell for quite some time now. For Lundgren, Austin, Crews and Couture, the prospect of appearing again in a theatrical Summer 'event' movie must have seemed like it was never going to come. After the surprise success of the film in the States, they must be thanking their lucky stars that Stallone remembered them. It does at times feel like it is checking off fan boys desires for fight scenes; Li Vs. Lundgren!!! Stallone Vs. Austin!!! That the acting and dialogue is some of the most grinding in recent memory only adds to it's 80's nostalgic feel. Something tells me Stallone was not intending the piece to be as cliche and irony ridden in its delivery, he just doesn't seem as clever as that. A knowing wink every now and again to the audience could have sold the material a bit better. As it stands, a lot of the film is just bad. Characters reminisce about 'that time in Bosnia' and many (awkward) cuttaways to other team members exist only to show that, hey, all these are just blue collar friends and that these cold blooded killers are just normal people underneath all that muscle and brawn, not to mention, give more screen time to some of the lesser featured Expendables. Sexual tension between them all is palpable but just so some guys in the audience don't get uncomfortable from all that male bonding, Stallone throws in woman troubles for Statham and a corrupt Generals daughter that needs rescuing for himself. While we are on acting it is worth noting that Mickey Rourke actually delivers a very fine monologue about his war experiences. Rourke, in the film as a favour to Stallone, sticks out like a shiny penny. He has acquired genuine acting talent through his many down-trodden years that none of his other team mates could even muster for a second. It is an unexpected scene of emotion in an otherwise extraordinarily loud and very bombastic film.

So with all this focus on the many 'once great action stars' in the film, it surely lives or dies on its spectacle. Stallone goes for broke in many of the scenes here, crowbarring enough gun fights, knife fights, fist fights, car chases and giant plane explosions into the plot as he can muster. Most of these deliver, if only for the fact that the young boy in you will get a small excitement quiver at watching those action heroes you once idolised all those years ago, finally getting another chance to show they still have what it takes, before they are brought out to the pasture. A minor concern is that Stallone shoots things too close, and achieves that dreaded 'what just happened there' bug, that seems to be plaguing most big tent pole releases these days. Somehow, all of these things do not destroy the film going experience. There is at least a sense of fun that was missing from the sometimes too nasty ''Rambo''. After ''The A Team'' and ''The Losers'' we could be forgiven from getting 'action ensemble fatigue', but for the most part this stays entertaining. Events don't run on too long and just simply seeing these guys back on screen is enough to sustain interest. Action is never far away at all times, and it features plenty of bone crunching violence to laugh and wince at. If you're in on the joke then you will certainly get a kick from it. It is best watched through boozy and reminiscent eyes. The boy inside you will not be able to resist.

Verdict: 45%

Weak by almost all standards of judgement, this is pushing the 'so bad its good' category of films. I can't say that it offers much in the way of anything, but I can say that I laughed and whooped along with it. If that sounds like something you might be interested in, then rent next time you and your mates are drinking. If you are a woman, then subtract 20% from the verdict. I look forward to the already announced sequel....

''The Expendables'' Trailer

May/June Round-Up: Iron Man 2/ Sex & The City 2/ The Killer Inside Me/ The Collector

I haven't been writing for the last few months and have missed out on a few releases. So for anyone interested, here is my take on them.

Iron Man 2

The first big tent pole release of the Summer went off with a bang. Our hero Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) has to face off against new enemies in the shape of a psychotic Russian 'Whiplash' (Mickey Rourke), who possesses the same power as the Iron Man suit and rival arms manufacturer Justin Hammer (Sam Rockwell), who is hell bent on acheiving the same success that Stark has. Other turmoil comes from Starks discovery that his suit is also slowly killing him, and tension between him and best bud Rhodie (Don Cheadle). If that sounds like a dark and convoluted super-hero extravaganza (a la, Spider-Man 3) then rest assured that Director Jon Favareau manages to keep proceedings as light and breezy as the first chapter. Downey remains as likeable as ever, and the new additions to the cast all deliver, especially Rockwell as Starks business rival, who is far too desperate to be like him in every way. The material could have become too convoluted for its own good, so kudos to Favreau for keeping an eye on things and easily matching the first in terms of excitement and fun which is all the series ever set out to do in the first place. Also in that Monaco sequence near the start, he delivers the action scene of the year thus far. Problems include Scarlett Johannsson getting lost in the mix, and that the film never rises above its 'fun' origins, means it never fully gives the adrenal glands the work out it should, however in a Summer full of lack lustre releases, this can stand above them all. Until Inception is released that is.

Verdict: 69%

Sex & The City 2

If, upon the original success of the show back in the late 90's, you had told its fan base that the once insightful, clever and witty formula, would dissolve into a camp, bloated and very cynical juggernaut, would any of its viewers have actually turned off? We find the 4 girls, for the second time in the series' history, not feeling fully fulfilled after becoming 'happy ever after'. A rut in marriage, the complexities of juggling a career and family, the sheer hell raising children can be and the eternal battle to stave off old age are all dealt with by our leads. Unfortunately for Jessica Parker, Cattrall, Davis and Nixon is that these so called problems all come off as whiny and selfish. These could have been dealt with far more intelligence, as to give a decent meditation on any of these subjects could provide interesting observations on life for 40 plus women. Unfortunately, the film seems to be far more concerned with fashion and Liza Minnelli singing Beyonce, than any true drama. Not for a second the realistic take on 'women' that the show once set out to be, it has become a parody of itself. Hell, there is even very little sex and practically no city, as the girls (and writers) struggling to keep things fresh, decide to take a sojourn to Abu Dhabi. This is where the franchise reaches its low point. In trying to inject fresh life into it, the film becomes ever more shallow, stupid and almost offensive to the point of ridiculousness. Contrasting and compromising the differences between West and Middle Eastern women should have been ripe fodder for some interesting and yes, witty observations on the differences. This just comes off as being naive to the extreme. If the series is meant to be fun, then where are witty exchanges that made the show famous in the first place? In fairness, the leading ladies all gamely try and inject fun into proceedings (they have been playing these characters for far too long to not be able to), but it is no where near enough. The series has become as tired as Kim Cattrall and should be put out to the pasture. The fact that it didn't make quite as much money as the first in theatres, shows that fans may be slightly in agreement, that this is surely, one trip too far.

Verdict: 25%

The Killer Inside Me

To release this film smack bang in the middle of the Summer Season is quite odd. A slow burning and occasionally sadistically shocking study of a very disturbed mind, it does not scream 'summer crowd pleaser'. To say this film is its own beast, is an understatement. It plays entirely on its own terms. In fact those of you can stomach the brutal bouts of violence, and quiet intensity, might not even like what they find come the end. Casey Affleck proves yet again, what an actor he has been the entire time, while his brother hogged the lime light and media glare. There are a few moments in his performance where it is are quite disturbing to see what a true monster lurks behind his good looks and soulful eyes. That Affleck conveys these small moments so well is a tribute to his skill. The plot is set in the 1950's and centers on young Deputy Sheriff Lou Ford. He attempts to blackmail the local town head honcho, which spirals steadily out of control. This is all a facade however, as the film really concerns itself with the psychotic inner workings of Ford himself. An unreliable narrator, we see the world through his eyes entirely, which must be remembered come the films close. A very damaged individual, all the films drama stems from his thirst for murder and intense hatred of women. He is joined by a surprisingly capable Jessica Alba. Kate Hudson also manages to escape her bland filmography and apparant lack of acting skills and they both engage as the women who attempt to love Ford, without fully knowing what he really is. The film, however will be mostly remembered for its shocking bouts of violence. Now, it must be stated that for all the headlines this film grabbed about its excessive (hardly) and shocking (very much so) violence, is that there is very little of it in the actual film. It is all simmering under the surface of Fords facade, threatening to brim over, and when it finally does, it can be very tough to watch, even for this battle hardened veteran of violent film extravaganzas. The film has also been accused of misogyny, which it is. However, the main reason for this, is that that is what Ford is and it is through him we experience everything in the film. As a result, throughout watching it, I see-sawed in between hating and being quite intrigued by what I was seeing. Director Michael Winterbottom is a master of switching genre whenever he feels and must be applauded for his ruthless adaptation of the original 1952 novel. However, as curious as the end result is and the strength of every performance, especially Afflecks, it just may seem, that you may not be willing to spend as long inside the head of a man like Ford, for the films duration. File under as one of the most curious releases of the year.

Verdict: 59%

The Collector

For whatever reasons I initially went to see this film, I could not remember come the films end. Another (yawn) excessively violent torture porn yarn, this one gets more kudos than it deserves thanks to a genuinely tense and inventive first 45 minutes. After the film descends into grand guignol and people start losing limbs left right and center, you will be become completely immune to the shocks and scares that this film initially threatened to offer. That the film has an inventive idea at its core reeks even more of a missed opportunity. Diamond thief Arkin breaks into a remote and apparently empty mansion to steal from the family he has been casing out. However, upon his arrival he discovers that something far worse has got there before him and are holding the family who live there at bay to torture and maim them. What follows is an interesting idea as our hero becomes quite conflicted in his feelings to either stay and try to save those he initially tried to rob, or to save his own skin. That the leather masked murderer also laced the house with inventive and deadly booby traps to prevent anyone from escaping adds to the tension as it becomes a warped version of 'Home Alone'. Unfortunately this is where the film decides to become a daft exercise in torture porn as tension gives way to blood red viscera that is no more shocking or scary than Macauley Culkin's antics were. The film grows ever more stupid and tiresome until it finally peters out. That it is from the writers of 'Saw's 4,5 and 6 show you all you need to know about the film. When are horror screenwriters going to remember the lost art of things hinted at, are far more terrifying than anything they could ever show us? After its rapid downhill descent you will be begging for the Collector himself to come take you away.

Verdict: 35%